October Change: Towards or Away From

Fall is one of my favourite seasons. There's this sense of anticipation in the air. The trees are changing, and dropping their leaves. The air is changing from cool, to crisp and cold. Everyone is solidly in the midst of intense activities. The holidays are changing from Thanksgiving into Halloween.Change is solidly all around me.

So you'd think that with all this change around me, that it would be easy to move forward into the changes that I want to create in my life. Yet, this seems to be the exact time that everyone slides backwards into old patterns. It's really interesting, actually. From a brain perspective that is.

This backward slide seems to bring with it a reinforcement of the past negative things we think about ourselves; I'm not strong enough, I'm weak willed, I'm not smart enough, I'm lazy. And actually it's usually none of these things at all. It's a component of strategies. And it has to do with the direction of our thoughts; towards our goals, or away-from our pain.

Last month I wrote about strategies; the 'how' we do what we do. This month we need to refine our strategy focus in terms of the 'movie in our heads' that we are creating from. Are we focusing on what we really want, or on not creating more of what we don't want. And by focus I'm referring to that little voice in your head that chatters at you all day long – you know the one with all the negative, disaster thoughts? I call it our 'monkey-mind'.

Let's use money as an example. Most people want more money in their lives. So I'll ask clients, 'When you think about having more money, do you have a picture?”. They always say yes. (And here's where it gets interesting). When I ask them to detail the sights, sounds, and feelings of what they are seeing they usually say something like “so now the bill collector won't call”, or “my spouse won't yell at me over the credit card bill”, “I hear my parents telling me I'll never understand money”, etc.

In NLP language, those are called 'away-froms'. Remembering that the brain can not process negatives, this translates in your brain to...(you guessed it), having more calls from the bill collector and more yelling at bill time. The rule is: Whatever you focus on, grows. So focusing on what you don't want brings more of that into your life! What the monkey-mind continually chatters about, is what you get!

If you're willing to use a quick and powerful tool to keep you on track to your goals, then go through the following exercise:

1. Imagine that a magic wand has waved itself over your life and that there is nothing to fix! You have all the money you really need to live the way you wish to live. You are healthy. You are in a great and passionate relationship. Remember to really imagine that this is the case! See it. Hear it. Feel it. It's just an imagination exercise, so really play at 100%.

2. Ask yourself, “Now what?”. Specifically. Imagine, in detail, with all of the colour, sights, smells, sounds and textures possible. If you weren't spending all your time on problems, what would you create with your life? Imagine it. See it. Hear it. Feel it. Make it so real that you can taste it. This becomes your new goal. Now if you said “I don't know”, than that's the problem! You can't create something unless you know what you're creating!


3. Spend as much time every day with this new goal as you did with your problem. Talk about it with friends and family, imagine it, research it on the internet, draw it, create a brain map to it, make it real to your self and everyone around you. That way you will be spending your energy creating something positive, rather than negative.

Remind yourself that this is more than a 'think good thoughts' game. This requires specifics, time, energy, and eventually it might even entail money too. But one thing at a time. Begin to make your goals and dreams more real to you than your obstacles, and you will reprogram your own Unconscious to use all of your resources to create consciously towards your goals. It happens fairly quickly and it's fun too.

Happy 'Towards' Everyone!

September Strategies: How we do what we do

September is right around the corner, and that usually heralds the 'start up' of our fall activities. School is back in session; we put away thoughts of vacation and cottage; and are prepared to bend ourselves back to the grindstone.

And this year I've found myself asking, “Is that the best way?”. Can we not work smarter, rather than harder? I'd like to think so, and as is the case with my coaching clients, there are a few guidelines that seem to help.

For this to be effective, it's important to tackle one area of your life at a time. I always ask clients, “What area of your life (health, career, relationship) if it were brought up to your expectations, would have the most impact on the rest of the areas of your life?” That's the area to do this exercise with. Pick one or two key 'pain points' (I don't make enough money for example) and then go on to the paragraph's below.

First we need to determine if the problem is the 'what' or the 'how'. Is it 'what' you are seeking or attempting to accomplish that is the problem, or is it 'how' you are going about it? The following questions will all determine if it is a 'how' problem:

1. Do you find yourself continually stuck in the same pattern? Dating the wrong people or playing out the same relationship dynamics? Maybe fighting with not making enough money, or not having enough health?


2. Are you physically, emotionally, or mentally tired (or exhausted) from fighting the same fight? Is there part of you that says to yourself “I just don't know how much more I have to give?”


3. Do you find yourself getting to your goal, and then slipping back again? Quitting and then restarting to smoke, or losing and regaining those few pounds?


4. Do you feel that if you were just stronger, or had more willpower than you could just get to where you needed to be?


5. Or have you just accepted that 'it's just the way it is', and you'll never be able to change?
   

If any (or all) of the above sound like you, don't despair. It's just a strategy, and the good news about strategies is that they are changeable. Strategies are 'how' we do what we do...at the unconscious level. In certain situations where feelings are triggered, a behaviour automatically follows. And it's fast! The strategy fires and runs, often within seconds. And yes, we have a strategy for everything that we do.

A friend of mine often reminds me that doing the same thing, over and over again, while expecting a different result, is the definition of insanity! From an NLP Coaching perspective, it's also a strategy and so it can be shifted to work with your current situation!

So, on a practical level here are some tools to move us in the right direction. I find it's helpful to think like a designer in terms of how things blend together, and to stay focused on my big picture.

1. Although it's been said before, “If you want something different, you need to DO something different.”. So find something to add to your routine that is different. Speak to someone different about your situation; read a book; go to a training...as long as it's different from what you already do.


2. The brain doesn't act on a negative. What that means is you can't 'not do' something, you have to replace it with something else instead. So instead of 'not snacking', you go for a 10 minute walk instead.


3. Do your new something for 3 weeks, and it will be your new automatic behaviour.
   

I love working with strategies because often the smallest change, produces the most amazing results. So as we move into September, remember to play with the design of your life. You are the designer, after all, so enjoy your renovations. I wish you all of the colours, textures and sounds to make your experience the most vivid for you!