Friday, March 25, 2011
Our success and credibility in life are directly proportional to our ability to produce results. A key difference between successful people and people who are struggling is the application of something we call an evidence procedure in NLP Coaching. An evidence procedure is how we know that we are on track or that we have achieved a goal. It is external, measurable, and therefore has nothing to do with our feelings.
Almost every coach I have every trained and every client I have ever worked with begins with their emotions as their evidence procedure. “When I feel more confident, then I will...”. “When I'm less overwhelmed, then I will...”. “I'll know that I'm successful when I feel...”. Healthy people feel all of their emotions. This means that you will feel a range of emotions during any set of tasks. Some days you will love your business development tasks, and some days you won't. Your emotions are valid. You will feel however you feel while you do what you need to do. The problem happens when we only DO based on how we FEEL.
The easiest way to wrap our hands around this is to pay attention to our own words and deeds. Do our deeds match our words? When it comes to comparing words vs. deeds, that we have to give more weight to deeds. This is where the saying “Talk is cheap and deeds speak” really applies in terms of personal success. This concept is highly empowering.
Teachers use this concept all the time when assessing student progress. In teaching they are known as benchmarks. By a certain date students will be able to... and we will assess this through exams, papers, and vocabulary increases, for example. If the student makes each of these benchmarks, then it is fairly certain that the student will make the goals for the semester. If the student is challenged at any benchmark then the teacher can intervene as necessary.
Evidence procedures greatly reduce the inner-judge dialogue by creating awareness and freeing us to focus on their specific steps and tasks. If someone says, “My goal is to be happy.”, your redirect is to explore that statement in terms of actions and behavior; “When you are happy what will you be doing that is different from what you are doing now?” Each named behavior has a skill set attached to it. Aquiring the skills becomes a new goal and the skills also act as benchmarks.
Remember your feelings are valid. Process them. Choose to ACT based on what results you are seeking. All journeys begin with a single step. Keep it simple and take small steps daily and you will be surprised at how quickly you get to your goals.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
May 1st, is May Day. The Celtics call it Beltaine. The Catholics celebrate Mary and wear flowers in their hair. In more than 80 countries around the world May 1st is a national holiday. In many others it is celebrated as a religious holiday.
Energetically it is a time of life-generating celebration. It is time of celebrating the Goddess aspect and Divine Feminine; regardless of whether you call her Mary, Kwan Yin, Gaia, or the Hindu Gayatri. It is a time of fun, merriment, and fertility. (What do you think the May Pole really represents anyway?) May Day brings to mind mystical stories of Robin Hood and Greenwood Weddings. It is also known in esoteric history as a “Hinge Holiday”. We always remind our clients and students to think of a hinge as a huge energy door that suddenly swings open on it's hinges. In terms of energy, it's a holiday that contains both an increased amperage and voltage...so it tends to carry a wallop!
In this article I'll answer the two most commonly asked questions:
So what actually happens on a hinge?
Hinges are magnifying energies. Whether you perceive the structure of your life as good or bad, is irrelevant. Whatever structure is present acts as the filter as the energies pour through. Positive things become more positive, and challenges become more challenging. Since awareness is the key to conscious creation, all of the earth shifts (there are eight every year) increase awareness.
Most of us use avoidance as a coping mechanism. The problem with keeping your head in the sand (if I may be so blunt) is that your backside is in the air. Inevitably, it gets kicked. We usually experience this as some huge drama with someone or something. Although it's tough on the ego, this can be a blessing of sorts too. If you got kicked, it is an area of your life that is significantly out of balance and has been out of balance for some time. This means that when the hinge energy hits this poorly balanced structure, it topples to the ground, usually with great fanfare.
How do I make this a good thing?
Use the energy! The energy of the hinge also provides the exact frequencies necessary to transform whatever you focus on! The blessing behind something 'blowing up' is that now it is very much in your awareness. Since it is in your awareness, now you can focus on what you want your end result to be!
I'll admit this is a challenge, because most of us don't really know what we want...we only know what we don't want. Be cautious! Focusing on what you don't want, especially during a hinge, guarantees that you will get more of it (up to three times actually via the Law of Threefold).
The same mechanism also applies when you are focusing on manifesting, healing, transforming relationships...with a threefold payout.
Focus well everyone, and have an awesome hinge!
Happy May Day everyone!
Monday, March 01, 2010
The Big Winds are the stirring up, the vortex, the spinning out of control that let's us gather the momentum we need to break through our own thoughts and perceptions. As we do this the Wounded Healer, Chiron, breaks from the world of Illusion into the world of Enlightenment.
Have you noticed the seemingly insane energy that is around us now? Earthquakes, sudden deaths, massive endings, and yet, fabulous triumphs as well. The Olympics provided us a very fitting backdrop in which to see this in motion and feel its effects too. What in heavens name is going on?
Welcome to the Super Full Moon in Virgo, and the transformation energy that is pouring through it. This is energy that specifically has flavour of awareness, expansion and growth of your vision. It sounds great, but we must address the illusion we are trapped in before we can experience the vision we desire. Rest assured, there is a solution. The Universe is kind and always presents a specific map out. The overview is called Awareness, Skills, Management.
We all want to have new skills in place and to effectively manage our lives into the magnificence that we all sense that they hold. But before you can have skills, you first need new awarenesses.
So for this Solutions page let's look at the current themes and bring these into our Awareness:
The Hermit: Introspection and Personal Integrity
- You need to be aware of where YOU are out of integrity with your own self! Where are you 'living the lie' to keep the illusion of peace? Where has your own illusion left you between a rock and a hard place?
- You are being asked NOW to step into service. Your comfort level with your gifts has nothing to do with the power of your gifts! Comfort and growth are mutually exclusive concepts. Where does your 'story' effectively trap you and prevent you from living the dream NOW? (Kids, husband or wife, family, job?). Are you listening to the challenges with an ear for a SOLUTION, or do you hear the challenges and just say, “Forget it.”.
- In order to work with the Truth, you need to be able to LIVE it first.
Pisces in Sun and Jupiter: AWARENESS, EXPANSION AND MANIFESTATION and GROWTH of your VISION.
- Note that the above heading said nothing about waiting until next year, or when the kids are older. What can you set up now, what step can you take NOW, that will further your vision?
- This is a very specific theme of releasing your illusion and letting go of what no longer serves you. This is the focus of all of the angst at this time! It is meant to spur you into ACTION releasing the anchors holding you back. For most of us, this isn't a new them. What is new is the ACTION that we are being asked to take, and the release of all of our convenient excuses as to why we don't let them go now. So complete this cycle, heal it and release it!
- Courage: Remember that courage means action in the face of fear, not fearless. It is important to resource, ask for inner and outer guidance, and have a plan of action. Isolation is the mark of hopelessness. Resourcing is the mark of thriving.
The rays of Idealism and Devotion are here too. So aim for a new level of Grace. Remember that there is no single right way. All decisions made from fear add to Illusion, so be care-full and gentle with yourselves!
We are in this flux until the Spring Equinox, so stand strong, resource and this will make sure that the Big Winds will avoid blowing you away!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
But what is it really about?
At it's core it is a choice point. Some say it is an evolutionary focal point. During times of great polarity we will have to decide whether we are creating our individual lives from a fear point, or from a place of potential. Living small, or living the Soul Contract. And each choice will immediately lead to new choices that you could not have seen mere moments ago. It is a cumulative effect and as we reach the 2 year arc of the bell curve (Dec 2010 - Dec 2014) things speed up drastically. A time of faster and faster options placed before us.
The flavour of the choices we need to make will come in a particular order too; survival and family, relationships, willpower, divine connection/forgiveness, speaking our truth, seeing the Divine plan, and living in connection with the Divine...all while here in a human body. For those of you who are familiar with chakras, this is the order of the choices. We are creating the new foundation or Red Chakra that will sustain our next cycle...and we are doing it now! Today. So pay close attention to what choices are before you right now!
And speaking of now, we come to the Super Full Moon. Astronomically speaking, a Super Full Moon occurs when the moon is as close as it will get to our planet that year. Astrologically speaking, that means the 'magnification' effect of those energies are also at their peak. That this is occurring at the Earth Shift known as Imbolg/Candlemas/Groundhog Day...HUGELY magnifies this intensity.
So we are now in a place where both FEARS and HOPES are magnified for you...tenfold. Which place do you choose to create from, and how can you create momentum to make these choices easier?
Take baby steps of action in the NOW. For those of you who say, "But I don't know what I want or why I'm here", use the following steps:
1. What are you most passionate about (children, car racing, healing, changing the planet etc.)?
2. Use your imagination (it's just a game) to feel/hear/see what your world might look like when you are DOING that...what might you be doing?
3. Now from there work backwards from the vision to the now.
Example: You love kids and want to change how they are taught...you see yourself teaching others HOW to allow full body learning...so that means in some capacity you are going to be a spokesperson/teaching/training others in some techniques. So you make a plan to get certified as a trainer while you are exploring techniques you love...so in the now, what is the step you can take today towards that plan? It might be researching training companies, or attending a training, or having a meeting...as long as it's an ACTION! Which will put you on your path to magnificence and out of your comfort zone!
Rationalizations. Excuses. We all have them. Really good 'reasons' to stall on things we know we want to be doing, or things we said we would be doing, and aren't.
Why is that? Why can't we just keep going?
In my opinion it has a lot to do with skill. I believe after working with so many clients and students that generating MOMENTUM and using it is a skill set. You have to learn it...which means it is learn-able...which also means all our monkey-mind talk about why we don't do it, is just cheap monkey-mind talk. Oh - then you need to practice it DAILY.
What action do MY GOALS need me to take today? Often the next big step is not the final destination, just merely another step on the path of your magnificence. Go ahead and notice that comfort was not in the sentence! It's the ACTION your GOALS need you to take...not the action you think you need, or are comfortable with. Does that make sense? The goal determines the criteria, not your emotional state.
Here are the steps to learn this new skill:
The first step in learning something new is becoming aware of what you currently do. Is using your family your favourite excuse, or your spouse, or your job, or your health? Are you OK with this action as long as you stay in the local vicinity, or only spend 'x' dollars, or that your parents approve?
The second step is catching yourself in the old pattern and REPLACING it with new thoughts, and actions every time you catch yourself doing your old pattern. The good news is that your unconscious is very, very trainable, and it will run the new patterns of magnificence with the same efficiency as the patterns for living small.
The third step is resourcing through others. You must TELL people what you are doing and check in with like-minded people often. Isolation breeds excuses and living small. Survival patterns are about isolation. Thriving patterns are about resourcing!!!
The fourth step is to have an action plan where you ACTION something every day. This is how momentum is quite easily generated and (here's the key)...MAINTAINED. As you soon as you achieve the step or goal, toss that momentum towards the next step.
A small step, everyday, gets you to your goal. So to quote an anonymous brilliant person posted on Life Hacker.com (a site for making life easier)..."One thing at a time. Most important thing first. Start now."
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
So let's start with some definitions:
COMMITMENT: In the quantum energetic world, commitment means you have spent the time, money and energy necessary to make something happen. It doesn't need to be equal parts; for example you may spend more time than money, but unless all three have been spent, you have not made a commitment.
Before something can show up in your world, it has to have somewhere to go. If you are going to buy clothes, you have to have space in your closet. Literally. It has to exist in the real world. Real world things involve physical things like space, contracts, money, having time blocked off, etc.
How does this apply to a project? Let's say you want to run an event. You need a date and a location. The location needs to have a contract and it needs to be signed. Ideally a deposit at least should also be exchanged...then you get to 'own' it. It's yours. Unless you have a space locked down in the real world there is no place for the people to go to.
Your body, mind and heart are all on the same page. The Universe takes it's cues from you, so if part of you wants this, and part of you doesn't (even if MOST of you wants it) it still won't happen. You are sending mixed messages, and at best, you're result will take a lot longer to show up in your world.
How does this apply to a project? Let's say you are excited about this new opportunity, but also afraid of putting yourself out there and taking a risk...emotionally or financially. You will spend 'x' amount of energy creating, and 'y' amount of energy stalling. In the end you may have a 'zero' or negative balance. You can't create something out of nothing. And those fears lead to the next definition.
You are congruent that no matter what you are going to do whatever it is you wish to do. There can be no back door. If you leave yourself an out, you haven't committed AND you are not congruent. This is a guaranteed way to fail.
How does this apply to a project? Let's say you want to run an event and you decide that you need ten people to make this event work. So....you stall on signing the contract. You say to yourself, "When I have ten people registered, then I will sign the contract". WRONG ANSWER!!! If you don't believe yourself enough to commit to a project or idea, how is the Universe, (or anyone else for that matter) going to believe you enough to commit to it?
Of course you can set criteria. I need ten people to run this event is fine...as long as you sign the contracts first. Make sense?
So as we all gear up for the fall and busy-ness, use the above definitions to make sure that you are getting the biggest bang for your buck. We all want to work smarter, not harder.
Good luck everyone and feel free to contact me with any questions or comments!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
It's all in how it's constructed. It turns out that there really is a formula after all. It's been used for ages with successful business leaders and now you can play with it too! In our Designing Your Destiny two day trainings we teach the structure to people, along with how to blow out fears and install your goals neurologically.
Success also has a lot to do with how well you reach out to others too, so if you pride yourself on doing it alone, you may never get there. Resourcing means creating, maintaining and using your connections.
The structure is S.M.A.R.T. It takes traditional goal setting and adds in a quantum twist!
S: Your goal must be specific. Really specific.
'I want to be my ideal weight' is not specific. 'I want to be 130 pounds, toned, healthy and fit by June 21, 2009 through eating smaller meals, increasing my exercise, and becoming more educated about food', is specific. If you can't name it in a sentence or two, you can't get it!
M: Your goal must be measurable. No feelings can be in your goal!
How will you know that you have achieved your goal? You see the scale number, or your jeans are looser, or you have lost 3 inches on your waist, etc. Your goal must also be for you, because unless you want it, it won't happen!
A: Your goal must be attainable, and as-if it's NOW.
If you are only makeing $30,000/year now, setting an annual income of $1,000,000 probably isn't attainable as your first financial goal. If you've never gone to the gym steadily before, setting a goal to go five days a week probably isn't attainable, but walking three times a week certainly is. When you've mastered that, then set a goal to go to the gym for three days a week.
You also need to put your goal inthe present, even though it may be grammatically incorrect.
So I am enjoying...I am celebrating....I AM...
R: Your goal must be realistic.
A woman once told me her goal was to have her body process sugar like protein. Not only is that unrealistic, but by current body design she would have been dead if she achieved it. Make your goals realistic, and build on them.
T: Your goal must have an end date and it must be towards what you want.
Note that the goal I listed earlier had a time on it. You must put an end date on your goal, otherwise it's just a wish.
In my fall blogs we spoke about Towards vs. Away. Towards wealth is different than Away From poverty. Very different. Make sure your goal only has positive language and only describes EXACTLY what you want.
Look around your world, listen to what friends and family are saying...who can you tap into as a resource to assist you? Announce your goal to your family! Give people an opportunity to assist in creating your success. Success is fun for everyone!
And if you don't know what to do, make sure you keep asking until you do. This is where a coach can make all the difference in the world. Coaches work towards specific goals with clients, so make sure someone is coaching, and cheering you on.
Happy goal setting everyone. Have fun!
Monday, December 15, 2008
I'm visiting my family in the U.S. As I write this it is the day after the US Thanksgiving, arguably the largest American holiday of the year. It is also the busiest shopping day of the year, “Black Friday” - so named because if the books don't get into the black by the end of today, they won't get into the black by year's end. On Black Friday the stores open at 5am and limited availability items are the norm to lure shoppers from their warm beds. It is also the official beginning here of the Christmas/holiday season.
As I begin pondering my angle for this Celebrations blog my brother-in-law interrupts with a top breaking local story; a 37 year old man has been trampled to death by a crowd that broke the doors down at 6am to get the 'early-bird' specials at Walmart. They also knocked down a 28 year old pregnant woman, and thankfully initial reports say she and the baby will be OK. Before the day is out five similar stories are reported in the New York City area.
Leading me to ask the question; exactly what are we celebrating this season? Why do marketers speak about 'surviving' the holidays? We now know that what you focus on grows, and that led me to ask myself what I wanted to focus on this season.
It seems that in our technologically connected world, that we have become more and more isolated. Although we have access to everything, we have forgotten how to connect with everyone. In my mind the core of the season is about relationships...the giving and receiving and the joy that comes from that inter-connectedness with all things. This allows me to open the door and look at my relationship with myself, my parents, my spouse, my family, my peers, my past lives, the Earth and humanity, and my relationship with the Divine. The deeper my awareness goes, the more choices I have.
So this season I have decided to focus on Celebrating Relationships. Below are some concepts and strategies to help us have fun and keep our focus. Connecting is about giving.
- Stay aware of your focus! Is it on the have to dos or want to dos? If it is on the have to dos, bring your focus back to why these relationships are important to you, and do the task with that frame of mind. It will alleviate lots of stress.
- Decide to be a Secret Santa while out and about. See how many smiles you can create with a kind look, word or gesture. Anonymously pay for the person behind you at Tim's. Spread the joy.
- Prioritize your time by limiting your social engagements. It doesn't mean becoming a hermit. It does mean accepting only those invitations that truly vibe with you.
- Gifts are meant to bring joy, not create stress. Think about hand creating a gift. You've got no time to shop; think gift cards. They are all the rage for a reason.
- Hate the craziness of the stores? Shop on line. Make sure you see the lock that signifies that it is a secure site. Also stay on familiar sites to keep yourself safe and sound.
- Donate time and/or money to a shelter, or food to the food bank, or deliver turkeys and food baskets with your church. Give to your favourite charities. Decide to help a total stranger in need.